Can Purell be used as lube?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
