dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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