the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I will die if light touches me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
