Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
