Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
