a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
