he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i believe in u and ur pee
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
