he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
