So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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