Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
