not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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