About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
