Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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