There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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