i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
