He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
