It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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