whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
