Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
