i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
