when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
