After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
