dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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