wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
