my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
