first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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