areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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