Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
