I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
