I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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