I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
