I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
