the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I looked at my own cervix.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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