If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Randomize
