I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
