i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
