apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Floor bacon is actually really good
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