okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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