i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
