My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
