I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
