I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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