thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
