There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
