Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
