I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
