Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
