you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
