Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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