Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
