I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
