Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am one with the molecules
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
