WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
