It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Randomize
