why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
