He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
