Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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