Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
