We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
