apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My vagina is officially offended.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
