break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
