i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
