You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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