i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
