True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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