so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
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We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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