PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
