4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
