I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
