hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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