The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
