hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
