She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
