My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
