My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize