I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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