I'm really into asian looking animals
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
