The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize