in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
