And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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