She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
