I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
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