My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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