He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
