hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
